Question by Crispin: how is my writing? Do you like this story?
War leaves no survivors. I knew that when i was born, I knew that as i grew up, and I knew that when I joined the taliban at 17. Before they found me I was nothing but a street urchin, stealing to continue my miserable life for just another day. I was desperate and nothing but despair and stupidity drove me to steal from the taliban. I was caught, and Kassem , the leader took me in. He raised me, and I learned from him and the others, Latif, Huri and Grisham. When they felt I was ready, I was sent on my first operation. I am Hassan Oksater, I am 17 years old, I am the youngest member of the Arbil city taliban. This is the story of my opression, my life, my death, and my rebirth as an american soldier. This is my story.

PROVE YOURSELF-Chapter 1

“Boom” Kassem laughed as he tossed me a bag full of explosives. We were on a long deserted road. Kassem had heard that an American humvee would be coming down this road, so he led the others and I to a good ambush spot. We were setting up an IED. I was nervous, it was my first operation. The gun in my hand felt odd. I was unable to load it, so to avoid being laughed at i had Latif load it for me. He was the nicest of the squad, living up to his name, which meant the kind one.
“Hassan” Kassem started “give me the rabbit”
For a moment I was confused, but then i remembered the dead rabbit in the bag of explosives. We had found it on the side of the road, and dead animals made perfect IED covers. I tossed him the rabbit and he caught it perfectly, at the same time he drew a knife out of his pocket. He began cutting the rabbit from its neck to its belly. At one moment he got his knife caught on a particularly rough patch of skin, which made him tug violently sending the knife rocketing out of the rabbit to catch on his thumb. I remember exactly what he did. He didn’t scream, he didn’t even flinch, he just pulled the knife out and continued cutting, even as blood poured out of his wound.
“Don’t just stand there” he said “Set the explosives to -”
“Channel three, I know” Kassem was infatuated with the number three, saying it had great symbolism to the Tora. I grabbed each one of the explosives and switched them to channel three. Once the rabbit had been gutted, Kassem had stuffed it with the explosives, double checking each one to make sure it was on channel three
“Whats the matter Kassem? Dont trust my work?” I grinned
“Dont trust anyone Hassan” He replied , shaking the last explosive at me just before he shoved it into the dead rabbits belly.
“Alright, now we wait”

And wait we did. We waited behind a sandy hill for almost three hours in the hot desert sun before we saw the dust of an oncoming vehicle.
“Is that it?” Grisham whispered, even though there was no possible way anyone in the humvee could hear him.
“Thats it” Kassem whispered back as he set the detonator to channel three. It took the humvee five minutes to reach our ambush point , but in those five minutes I sweated more than I ever had. Sweat poured off my forehead , blurring my vision.
“Five” Huri started counting as the humvee came closer. “Four” I could see the gunner on top of the humvee now. “Three” I could now distinguish their sunburnt faces. “Two” I gripped my gun and switched off the safety. “One”

Two things happened at once. The first thing was Kassem pulling on the detonator a second two soon, the second was a violent explosion coming from a dead rabbit, causing the humvee to flip over backwards. It was the loudest thing I had ever heard. None of us moved as we stared at the flipped humvee.
“Did we get them?” Latif asked uneasily.
“Huri” Kassem ordered “Go down there and check it out” I swallowed nervously as Huri slowly
stood up and made his way down the hill. He checked the drivers seat first, dragging out a bloodied american. “Dead” he motioned back to us by drawing his hand slowly across his neck. He jumped onto the top of the overturned humvee and crossed to the other side. When he was on the other side we were unable to see him. After a second a gunshot sounded from behind the vehicle, causing Latif to jump nervously. I Pointed my AK47 to the vehicle and prepared to open fire, but Huri popped back up and drug his hand across his neck yet again.
“Mission sucessful” Grisham whispered.
“You know what they say, Grisham, for every dead american, two more step into his place”
“And you know what I say” Kassem interjected ” The more the better”

This is not meant to offend anyone. I plan on turning this into a book, and would like some advice on my first chapter, thanks to anyone who read it!

Best answer:

Answer by ZackVENOM
Interesting take.. I really like the idea of it. Honestly I think this will be a hard story to tell, because clearly you aren’t taliban and would know nothing o them or where they come from. But I mean, I’m interested. I would read more.

Your grammar could use a little work, but by all means! Continue!

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